


Be The Good In Me

by secretsinmysoul



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Bottom Steve Rogers, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-17
Updated: 2014-11-17
Packaged: 2018-02-25 19:01:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2632754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/secretsinmysoul/pseuds/secretsinmysoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is a shameless Steve Rogers pining over Bucky Barnes fic. Angst, fluff and shameless smut at the end.<br/>In which both boys are clueless and Natasha is a really good matchmaker. Even if Steve doesn't realise at the time.<br/>"The first time Natasha tries to set Steve up he thinks she’s joking around."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be The Good In Me

**Author's Note:**

> My not-so-long-awaited second Stucky fic on AO3. I hope you guys like it.  
> Any feedback would be appreciated.  
> Much love.  
> (Again sorry I'm such a pervert for these two supersoldiers).

The first time Natasha tries to set Steve up he thinks she’s joking around. They’re sitting in a debriefing room after their first official mission together, waiting for Fury to get his shit together and start the meeting. Another agent walks into the conference room, Steve thinks she’s from records, Amy maybe? She sets down the pile of papers she was carrying on the table.

She smiles at Steve as she leaves, the shy way women have been smiling at him since he was injected with the serum. Steve smiles back; it’s only polite. Natasha notices.

“Why don’t you ask her out this weekend, Rogers? You know she’d say yes.”

“Ha ha,” Steve says in a monotone voice just dripping with sarcasm, “so I’m supposed to ask out every dame working for S.H.I.E.L.D now?”

“Every woman,” Natasha corrects, “and no, only the ones who smile at you in that flirtatious ‘I would fuck you in a heartbeat if you’d only ask’ way.”

Steve reddens, and Natasha snorts, “It’s the 21st century now, Cap. You can say fuck.”

“Yeah, well, I’m still not ready to date… or that other thing.”

Natasha sees the look in his eyes, even though it’s only there for a split second before Steve remembers to cover it up. Natasha’s good like that. She sees the pain and the remorse in Steve’s expression effortlessly because she’s got plenty of her own.

“Steve,” Natasha looks at him in a sympathetic way, “you know Agent Carter, she’s had a life, a family of her own. You should have one, too.”  
And _oh yeah,_ Steve forgot that the whole world believes he was in love with Peggy Carter, that it was losing her that broke his heart.

Steve did love Peggy very much. He admired her as an agent and a woman. It’s just that when he met Peggy, he’d already given his heart away. She understands, always knew. She could see the way Steve looked at a certain blue-eyed, cocky, overprotective Sergeant.

Steve won’t admit that what he means when he says he’s not ready is that he lost the love of his life 4 months ago (well 4 months if you don’t include those 70 years he was frozen in the ice) and he’s still in mourning. He misses Bucky like you’d miss a limb. He can still feel him there sometimes, and makes mental notes of things Bucky would find funny or interesting about the future. Steve forgets that he lost Bucky a long time ago. He goes to tell him things then abruptly stops when he realises his best friend isn’t by his side, just like amputees yearn to scratch their missing limbs. It’s an urge that never leaves him. When it hits Steve and he remembers; Zola’s train, Bucky falling, a pain crashes in his heart like a wave that breaks and swells over and over again. Never-ending.

It’s not like pining over James Barnes was a new-found activity for Steve. He’d yearned for Bucky’s kiss and touch long before he fell. He’d relished in his youthful smile, his easy laugh, bright blue eyes. His protective nature. The way he lit up a room. It’s harder now that Bucky’s gone, though; the pining is hopeless, and for something he can never recover. Steve can’t savour the way Bucky would embrace him after a successful mission, the cold winter nights they’d curl up together in one bed to save on heating. The times he’d call him “his Stevie” after he’d been out drinking. The way he looked when he danced. All those little touches and moments Steve would add to his memory, like a secret collection of beautiful trinkets too precious for anyone else’s eyes.

Steve’s life is very dim now. He has no more trinkets to add to his collection, no more light to illuminate the dark. Why would he drag someone else into that? Steve’s never loved anyone but Bucky, and he was so goddamn careful not to let him know. Nowadays guys can go with guys and it’s mostly okay. Steve always liked dames just as much as fellas anyway but he thinks that’s nice. Maybe if Bucky had made it to the future with him Steve might have told him how he felt. There’d be no chance of getting them arrested. Steve supposes it’s pointless to think about now, though. It’s just always been Bucky for him. Past, present, future. There have always been pretty girls, handsome men but the only thing is Steve could never think of anyone the way he thought of Bucky. He still can’t. So that’s why he dodges Natasha’s attempted set-ups with evasive answers, until Fury finally comes to put him out of his misery.

The second time Natasha brings it up is when they’re on the run from S.H.I.E.L.D. Great timing, right?

“Was that your first kiss since 1945?” She asks, smirking.

“That bad, huh?”

Steve avoids the question, says he’s 95 not dead. He never actually lies because Natasha’s made it clear he’s a pathetic liar. When she asks if there’s been anyone special he says the only thing he thinks makes sense: “It’s hard to find someone with shared life experience.”

What he’d meant was that it’s impossible to find the boy he’s loved since he was a kid all the way through to adulthood, because that boy is gone. He knows he’ll never be able to share a life with anyone else; his life already belongs to Bucky. So, Steve’s always believed his ability to love died at the bottom of an icy pit. Steve’s heart kept beating into a new century but his soul is at the bottom of a ravine somewhere, resting with its mate.

At least that’s what Steve had thought until he’d unmasked the Winter Soldier on the Brooklyn Bridge. Bucky was his everything and he’d burst back into Steve’s life like a hurricane, full of beautiful devastation. And he’d hesitated. Bucky looked right at Steve and, yes his eyes didn’t even know him, but he had the chance to kill Steve and didn’t take it.

Before, Bucky always looked at Steve like he was keeping some sort of secret only the two of them knew. Now his bright eyes, which used to burn with passion and energy, were vacant and afraid. Steve saw the face he’d spent decades memorizing and sketching and for a split second his heart jumped to fix itself, fuse the broken pieces back together. Then Bucky had looked at him without the warm fondness he knew so well and his heart broke apart all over again.

“He doesn’t remember you.” Sam says before Steve leaves to confront Bucky, the Winter Soldier, or whoever will be waiting for him on that helicarrier, wearing the face of the man he loves.

“He will.” Steve insists. Even when he had nothing he had Bucky.

Turns out, what Steve said was right. Not that Steve ever doubted it would be; he’s always known Bucky better than he knows himself. 2 months after the events of the Potomac, Bucky finds Steve. Comes through his window in the middle of the night, looking ragged and worn. He’s wearing torn, dirty clothes and clearly hasn’t slept in weeks. He stands in front of the window, staring at Steve.

“Bucky?” Steve asks, softly. He’s not sure what to say. He has so many questions; it’s hard to know where to begin.

The figure at the foot of his bed croaks, “Yeah…I guess...yeah that’s me. It’s coming back to me now. Brooklyn before the war. I went to that exhibit about us. We were best pals but Stevie I can’t…I don’t have everything, there are blanks and I’ve done things I can’t-”  
Steve sees that he’s been crying, Bucky is practically distraught trying so hard to hold himself together. He’s been trying too long. So Steve does the only thing he can think of and uses all his strength to interrupt Bucky and drag him into bed. Steve holds him until the sobs subside and the body next to him goes still. They’re going to be okay. It would take time, it would hurt, but Steve knew it would be fine. Bucky had called him Stevie. He remembered. He was here, in Steve’s arms. Yeah, they’d be fine.

And they are. Six months pass, and they move into their own floor of the Avengers tower. They make the space a home. A home they share.

Bruce and Tony helped Bucky overcome everything Hydra did to his body. Bruce gave him things to counter the electroshock therapy, repair connections in his brain. Tony repaired the metal arm. Steve helped him overcome what they’d done to his mind. Steve gave Bucky a routine, normalcy, a home, forgiveness. And for the most part they were fine. Bucky still slept curled up in Steve’s arms, though. Steve doesn’t question it - why would he? He’s still hopelessly in love with his best friend. At least Steve gets to collect more of those little moments he’d used to sustain himself before the war. There’s light in his life again. 

Every Sunday night is the Avengers movie night, an exercise in team bonding is what Tony calls it. This week was Clint’s choice. Bucky hates Clint’s week; the archer has impeccable aim but truly horrendous taste in movies. He chooses some “horror” film that’s not remotely scary. It’s just full of bad acting and fake blood. Bucky’s bored out of his mind, so bored it’s all he can do not to fall asleep and hold on…that’s not such a bad idea. He’s sitting on the sofa pressed up against Steve’s muscular arm anyway, and Bucky realises it really wouldn’t be hard to manoeuvre himself to rest his head on Steve’s chest. So he does, and falls into a blissful sleep.

Steve lets it happen. He has to face it - it makes him feel pretty damn blissful as well. The only thing ruining the moment is the side-eye Natasha’s been giving them since Bucky put his head on Steve’s chest.

She leans in and whispers in Steve’s ear, “So I guess I know why you wouldn’t let me set you up with anyone now. You and Barnes, huh?”

Steve almost chokes on his popcorn, and has to clear his throat before he speaks, “Me and Buck? No way, we’re just friends. Best friends.”

“No feelings there then?” Nat’s still looking at him with that knowing smirk that makes Steve squirm.

“Nope. Sorry to disappoint you.” He replies, a bit too quickly.

“I’ve told you before Rogers: you’re a terrible liar.”

She gets up before Steve can protest.

After that, Nat doesn’t give up on her quest to find Steve a date. Quite the opposite, really. She starts to try to set Steve up on a different date every day. Oh, and she makes sure that when she does Bucky’s in ear shot.

On Monday she says, “You know, Steve, Sarah from weapons likes you.” On Tuesday, it’s: “What about that cute scientist who blushes whenever you walk in a room?” Wednesday is, “Sam said the receptionist at the VA has a big thing for you.”

Steve turns them all down with angry looks and dissatisfied grunts. Natasha is persistent.  
  
By the end of the week, Bucky can’t take it anymore. He confronts Steve when they’re sat in their shared living room Saturday night. Steve is sitting on the floor, back resting against the sofa, drawing. Bucky is in the armchair, burning a hole in Steve’s neck with his gaze.

“Stare at me any harder and you might burn the image of me on the inside of your eyelids.” Steve mutters, not looking up from his sketch.

 “I’m trying to work something out.”

“And what’s that, Buck?”

Bucky sighs, and decides to get straight to the point. “Why don’t you ever go on any of those dates Natalia tries to organise for you?”

Steve finally looks up from his pad, surprised. “I don’t know, Buck. I guess I just got no interest in dating at the moment.”

Steve goes back to his drawing like that’s the sufficient answer Bucky was looking for. It wasn’t. So Bucky pushes the issue.  
“You know you don’t have to look after me. I know you spend most of your time nowadays making sure I’m okay and I appreciate it. It’s just, you know I can handle you being out a couple nights a week, right? You deserve to be happy, Stevie; take one of those girls out for God’s sake.”

“I am happy.” Steve insists, not looking up from the page.

Bucky walks over and grabs the sketch pad from his hands. Steve makes a whine of protest.  
“You deserve to be happy with someone. I’ve taken up so much of your time, I’ve needed you too much-”

“I need you just as much.”  
  
Bucky pauses, then says, “No you don’t. You need someone good. I always get in your way.”

“Last time I checked you were someone good, James Barnes.”

That angers Bucky, his frustration hits the roof. Steve has always seen too much good where there wasn’t any.

“Well check again, Stevie. You know the things I’ve done, what I’m capable of. I can’t get clean of those things. But those girls - the nice ones, the scientists and receptionists – they’re good, wholesome people. That’s what you deserve. So just take ‘em out will ya? Have a good time, take ‘em dancing. Just stop worrying about me because I’m not worth it. Okay?”

That’s it. Steve’s had enough. He can’t hear Bucky talk about himself that way. Can’t bear to hear the man he loves telling him to go with other people. It tips Steve over the edge and he explodes.

“I’m not going to stop worrying about you and I’m not gonna go out with any wholesome, good girl when I’ve been in love with your self-deprecating ass since 1930!”

Bucky freezes. _Shit_ , Steve thinks. He’s really messed up now. 90 years he kept this secret and now he’s blown it. _Goddamn it, Rogers._ Steve rushes to his feet and starts begging for forgiveness.

“Bucky I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything, let me explain-”

“Did you mean it?” Bucky steps towards him, his expression unreadable.

“Did I mean it?”

“When you said you’ve loved me since we were kids?” Bucky takes another step forward. Steve gulps.

“Yeah. I meant it but it doesn’t have to change anything-”

Steve’s cut off by Bucky’s lips on his and _oh_. This is what he’s been imagining for 90 years. It’s everything he hoped it would be.

Bucky’s kiss is firm and sweet. He tastes like cigarettes and hot chocolate. He licks into Steve’s mouth greedily and it finally hits Steve that this is really happening.

He breaks the kiss. They’re both breathless.

“What was that, Buck?”

“I love you too, punk. Always have. I just don’t gotta talk about it as much as you do. I use my actions.”

“And where were your actions 90 years ago?”

Bucky looks at his feet and bites his lip, sheepishly, “Back then I didn’t think I deserved a guy like you. I still don’t. But you just told me you want me so I suppose I better allow you the dignity of your choice, right?”

“Damn right.”

Steve crashes their lips together again, tangling his fingers in Bucky’s hair. He can’t believe how lucky he is.

“90 damn years of wasted pining. We could have been doing this.” Steve laughs.

“There are plenty of other things we coulda been doing too.” Bucky’s eyes are dark with lust and his lips are swollen red from Steve’s kiss. He’s a sight to behold.

“Oh yeah?” Steve teases, as Bucky trails kisses down his neck, “Like what?”

Bucky takes the challenge by pushing Steve onto the sofa and straddling him.

Bucky undresses Steve. Takes off his shirt – it was too tight anyway – and unbuckles his pants.

Steve’s rock hard, because having Bucky on top of him is just too sexy. Bucky’s pretty turned on, as well. Steve is so responsive and he’s looking at Bucky like he’s the best thing that ever happened to him. Bucky’s going to give him a real reason to feel that way.  

Steve pulls Bucky’s shirt off so now they’re even. Bucky starts to press kisses to Steve’s chest, his abs, and the spot just above his underwear. He pulls Steve’s boxers down and presses a kiss to the tip of Steve’s already leaking cock.

Steve whines, “Bucky, oh _Jesus Christ_ , Buck.”

Bucky looks up at him and smirks before he takes Steve’s entire length in his mouth.

Steve gasps as Bucky sucks him, eager and messy. Steve is moaning so loud it’s making Bucky harder by the second.

Bucky pulls his mouth off Steve’s cock and buries his face in Steve’s neck, nipping and sucking.

“Stevie, I wanna fuck you. Jesus, I’ve wanted to fuck you for so many years.”

“Please Buck, please. I want you inside me.”

Steve is desperate. He’s wanted this for so long and now it’s as if he couldn’t live without it. He needs Bucky so badly.

Bucky runs to quickly grab lube from the bathroom. For once in his life he actually appreciates one of Tony Stark’s jokes.

Steve unbuttons Bucky’s jeans, hungrily. He takes Bucky’s cock in his hand and starts to stroke its length. Bucky moans, his mouth hanging open in a moment of ecstasy. That is, until he realises he’s going to come soon and Bucky would really rather do that inside of Steve.

So he regains control. Bucky slicks up his fingers and slides one inside of Steve. He’s so tight and hot and perfect. Bucky curves his finger and Steve gasps as he hits the right spot. Bucky smirks and adds another finger.

“More, Buck, give me everything. I _need_ you in me _please_.”

The way Steve’s talking is driving Bucky crazy. He pushes a third finger into Steve and drums against his prostate. Steve pants, mouth open in pleasure. He takes the opportunity to suck marks into Bucky’s shoulder so the world will know who he belongs too.

Steve is finally ready, Bucky decides. He slicks up his cock and thinks he won’t last long inside Steve. Steve looks like he’s on the edge already, eyes glued to Bucky’s hands, so he supposes it won’t matter.

He slips inside of Steve and moans at how warm and tight he is.

“You’re perfect, Stevie.”

Steve just groans as Bucky begins to move inside him. He starts slow, teasing the man he loves, trying to prolong this moment. His first moment inside Steve.

Bucky quickly loses control though. He starts to fuck Steve hard and fast. Years of yearning overcoming him. He rubs Steve’s cock to the rhythm of his thrusts. In no time, Steve is coming and yelling Bucky’s name. Bucky follows.

They collapse, a mess of tangled limbs on the sofa. Bucky holds Steve in his arms and rakes languid fingers through his hair.

“Love you, Stevie.” He mumbles into the top of Steve’s head.

Steve looks up, and presses a soft kiss to Bucky’s lips. He murmurs, “I loved you first, jerk.”

_End._

 

 


End file.
